How I Might Be Disowned By My Soon To Be In-Law Family

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Fiancé’s younger sister just turned 21 and I wanted to take her out to my favorite bar at home in Columbus. It is a dueling piano bar and they play cover songs all night. So the bar turns into people that are happy and everyone is singing along to songs like Piano Man, American Pie, Brown Eyed Girl, and even some Lady Gaga songs. They know how to play everything and they rock. The two people playing the piano face each other and sometimes other workers will come play the drums, sax, or violin. I think you can understand why I love this place.

His sister was super excited all week, as was I. We were having a great time and we talked about her drinking and how much she has drank in the past. So as she is drinking she is comparing in her mind how much she has drank before to decide if she is drunk or not. I should have realized then that the night wasn’t going to end well.

Let me give you a run down of her consumption during the night:
-Bud Light
-Home apple pie
-Bud Light
-Cherry Bomb
-Cherry Bomb
-½ Bud Light

And then 2 waters at the bar and 2 waters on the way home. And the shots there were strange, since they put them in plastic cups so they ended up being doubles.

After drink number two she was talking about one of the songs they were playing and she says something, to which I ask her to repeat. She says it again, slurring, and I have to sit there and think about what she said before I realize she said, “I think this is a Disney song!!” And then she refused to accept that she was slurring her words.

Oy. So I spent the night trying to tell her that she was drunk but she refused to accept that she was drunk. Now, naturally, she is a chatterbox when sober. But when drunk…she just doesn’t shut up. She also hits your leg a lot/leans on you (we were sitting) to get your attention, to the point that you start to fear your leg will go numb.

We decided to leave when she pulled the whole look of drooping her head and looking like she was about to pass out. That is when she finally admitted to herself that she was drunk.

And I thought to myself, “Mission accomplished.” That is, until we were at the Wendy’s drive thru because she wanted food. Not even a second after I was given the food and they shut the drive thru door, she opened up her door and threw up 5 times. 5 TIMES!

And this is when I realized, “O shit. Her mom is going to kill me and I am going to get disowned before I am even a part of the family.”

But I also figured, heck-it’ll be okay. She only got sick once. And then I got her home.

She opened the door up and got sick right next to her dad’s car about 5 more times.

Awesome. At this point I feared for my state within the family while she continued to say it was fine. So I texted her that night to see how she was so she would see it in the morning.

I woke up to a text saying she got sick 6 different times during the night and finally stopped at 8am. What the hell did I do?! I had no chance anymore. I feared her mom might murder me on the spot and I would never be allowed to take her out again.

So I casually asked her, “So, am I getting disowned?” To which she replied, “No. My dad thinks it is all funny and my mom is just annoying me.”

O thanks be to God! Glad to know I still have a chance to get kicked out of the family in the coming months.

P.S. I have found the answer on why she got so sick! She told me she didn’t really eat much yesterday and her “dinner” was a bagel at 4:30pm. We left at 9pm to go out. N00b.

2 responses »

    • Ahh, NOT MY FAULT! I can’t be blamed, just like Miley can’t be tamed, gosh darn it! I forced water on her even though she told the waitpeople she was okay. I mouthed it to them, so it was like water just magically appeared out of no where. Actually, i wish it was bright enough in there for me to have gotten a picture of her. She was basically chugging two waters at once through her straws. All bent over with them both in her mouth like she had been in the desert for a week.

      I take it back. I am a bad influence. I woulda blackmailed her with those pictures for life.

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