Tag Archives: depressed

O Hello, Resentment

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Guys, I am starting to have a major issue. I am starting to find that every time I realize something needs cleaned, or I go to clean something, I feel resentful toward Fiancé.

Lately I will just not do the dishes or will eventually ask him to do them, of which he will get around to doing. But, that isn’t as much of an issue anymore. It is other things that I finding myself getting really upset about.

Scrubbing the bathtub.
Dusting.
Sweeping.
Cleaning the toilet.
Washing the bedding.
Cleaning the sinks.
Washing the counters.
Cleaning the floors.
Him not painting the molding against the bookshelf (meaning I still haven’t unpacked numerous boxes because they all go on the bookshelf. It has been 4 months since I have been here).
Not helping me take empty boxes down to our basement space.

And what happens if we ever get in a fight? I bring this all up. It has even gotten to the point where he knows I will bring it up and/or that I am always upset/nagging him about it. I have even tried to talk to him about the fact that he doesn’t help around the house, but he always gets really defensive. Or, in the case of painting the molding, he always says he will do it tonight or next weekend, but never does. I have even asked, numerous times, for him to just tell me what I have to do (because it needs sealed first) and I will do it myself. Does he? No.

Why can’t he just clean? Why doesn’t he just help me out, and then I would be a lot nicer to him? Why do I even have to ask him?

It is getting to the point where I am about to go on strike. Cook your own food. Live in filth. And no sexy times of any nature until he does more than just empty and load the dishwasher.

Except I am fearful of doing “Live in filth” because I know it won’t bother him. Please help me. Any advice at all and I will be forever be indebted to you.

Home Isn’t Where the Heart is.

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I am in a funk.

I am not happy. I am depressed. And I feel like this house is not my home.

This idea of a new city went from being scary, to being, “Ooo, this could be an adventure,” to, “I want out and I want to go home.”

I don’t have a job and I feel like all I do is sit around and do the following:

a) watch tv/play on the computer
b) clean
c) paint/organize/put things away
d) go grocery shopping
e) cook dinner and then clean up the dinner mess

And then it gets thrown in my face that I just sit around all day and do nothing.

I have no friends here. I’m not a giant fan of doing things by myself, but that is what it is turning into.

Thankfully I have two different job interviews for subbing on Thursday. But until then, what can I do?

I can’t do anything. I can’t control the fact that I have no job. So why do I get punished for it? Especially when he does the exact same thing as me when he gets home from lab/work. He sits on his ass in front of the tv, that he only half watches, gets on 4chan, talks to his friends online and I just mope around the house and find something to do.

According to him I always have attitude, even if I just ask him something. And he can never do something at that moment. It always has to be later or the next day. Or, “Can’t I just take out the trash out tomorrow when I go to lab, when I am going to be going outside? Why do I have to do it now?” Because I need to be able to use the trash but it is full. I guess I just need to learn to do more things myself.

I feel alone. At least I have Pumpkin Spice Lattes now.

Sorry for the depressing post.

Update: It’s surprising how much a little communication can fix things. We talked some and things are much better now. Frankly, I think this is where a lot of his communication skills lack because I guess he didn’t mean that I just sit around and do nothing all day. Ah well, boys are confusing creatures.